Managers/Business language and where I used to work
Managers in 99% of all cases are usually idiot retards who couldn’t get a job doing something of value and have figured out the art of bullshit, but of course they call it things like “forward thinking” “executive decision” and so on. I really think people should take a step back and listen to these people talking and try and figure out if anything is actually being said, take this example “Due to the increased scope of the project vis-à-vis Tuesday’s meeting, compounded with our aforementioned desire to maintain quality without increasing cost” this translated pretty much says “this is a good idea but I’m fucked if I’m spending any extra money, so work for nothing or you’re fucked” and these fuckheads say shit like “we need to find a way of moving forward” well put one foot in front of the other you giant sweaty dick, or the other infuriating phrase “on a going forward basis” tell me, how the fuck would you go backwards?! in the linear transgression that is “time.” Another thing these fuckers do is solve problems by creating bigger problems, for example in my last place of work, a seasonal field (I.E. they made things that you attach to doors and windows to keep out the weather-which obviously creates higher demand in winter) he noticed that staff had no work during the summer – because no one wanted weather guarding devices, so how did he solve this problem, well instead of doing what a sane human being would do, and stockpile stuff, thus creating work throughout summer and helping ease the giant rush we always got during winter, instead of doing that, he sacked most of the fucking staff, which meant 2 months later we were in the arse end of fucked, so he solved this problem, not by trying to rehire the staff who knew the job that was needed, no, he hired in a bunch of cheap fucking polish kids and chavs, which meant not only did the remaining staff had to teach these people, we also had to trying and explain to people unable to speak our language and hide our possessions from the fucking chavs, now don’t get me wrong I’m not bothered about polish people coming here and working, it was the manager for putting us in a crap situation and throwing them in the deep end of a job they don’t know, in a place they don’t understand with a bunch of dickhead chavs who did fuckall ’cause they were all busy outside getting fucked on drugs.
While I’m on the subject of this place, I’d also like to point out that the managing directors were mainly brain-dead religious zealots, not to mention racist, one of which was seriously stupid – as in lacking common sense, the other who came in only one day a week because he spent the rest of the week in a church preaching bollocks to other idiots whilst at the same time penalising us for everything he could, and giving us all shit wages, the owner is senile and actually falls asleep at the wheel of his 4 X 4 child killer truck, and this, I joke not, he MADE all the workforce sit through a mass hosted by him, where he mainly ranted about Jews being evil and shit like that every Christmas time, and if you didn’t attend this mass, you had your bonus removed and you were given a warning. no, I am not joking and I am not exaggerating, I’m even leaving some stuff out because its just far too fucked. And just for the record, the place is full of asbestos, it’s falling apart, the place is a giant hazard both chemically and physically, the heavy machinery is outdated and dangerous (someone lost a finger only recently) they give the absolute minimal wage to UK residents and to the foreign people who don’t know any better they give next to nothing in wages, they practise discrimination against people of colour and differing religions to their own and what is the icing on the cake is they think they are just and in the right with all this.
oh and when the passion of the Christ came out at the cinema we had to go to a “service” to be told how evil it was and he even gave us all a book called “the real passion of the Christ” so its not as if they can’t afford to actually give us real wages.
